No matter how hard we try to be upstanding examples of fatherhood, we’ve all done things we regret. Just take comfort from the fact you’re not in the public eye though, as your sins will surely come back to haunt you – in a magazine article like this, probably. Not that we’re pointing the finger or anything, we’re merely trying learn from the mistakes of others. Well, apart from where Jeffery Archer’s concerned…
1. MICHAEL JACKSON
Things went seriously awry for Jacko when he dangled his third child, Prince Michael II, off a Berlin balcony in 2002. And by the time he’d appeared on a documentary the following year with his other two nippers’ faces (Prince Michael Junior and Paris Michael Katherine) obscured by scarves, lawsuits were flying in from all angles. He may have shrugged them all off for now, but who knows what the future holds for the self-styled King of Scandal (sorry, Pop)? VERDICT: BAD
2. RON DAVIES
A fine example of fatherhood, the former Welsh Secretary first got into a spot of bother on Clapham Common in 1998. Psychiatric treatment and an announcement that he was bisexual followed this “moment of madness”, but five years later he was caught fumbling in the bushes again – this time with a builder called “John”. Davies remarried in 2002 and has two children. VERDICT: EXASPERATING
3. DAVID MELLOR
One of the first – but by no means the last – of John Major’s MPs to subject his family to an “united we stand” photocall at the garden gate, Mellor tried to cling onto his job when it emerged that he’d had a relationship with ‘actress’ Antonia de Sancha in 1992. The father of two now works as a DJ on Classic FM. VERDICT: SHAMELESS
4. TED KENNEDY
As if having two of her boys (John and Robert) assassinated wasn’t bad enough, Old Ma Kennedy’s also had to deal with Big Ted, who’s led a ‘colourful’ political career. The smelliest whiff of scandal to engulf him concerned an allegedly drunken car crash in which his young female passenger died. The senator has three kids (officially) and will publish a children’s book later this year. VERDICT: SLIPPERY
5. BILL CLINTON
The 42nd President of the United States dragged his wife and their only child, Chelsea through the dirt in 1998, when it emerged that he’d engaged in a variety of sexual activities with his intern Monica Lewinsky. Bill ended up apologising to the nation and paying a fine (as well as settling a separate sexual harassment lawsuit), but his marriage never recovered. VERDICT: AUDACIOUS
6. JEFFREY ARCHER
The disgraced peer was jailed for four years at the Old Bailey in 2001 for perjury and perverting the course of justice, and while it was supremely satisfying to witness his demise, it was curiously heartening to see the support he received from his family when in the dock. When freed in 2003, Archer declared: “I want to thank my wife Mary and my sons,William and James, for their unwavering and unstinting support during this unhappy period in my life." VERDICT: BRAZEN
7. ROBERT MAXWELL
Born Jan Ludvik Hoch in Czechoslovakia in 1923, Maxwell was a self-made media mogul who died in 1991, leaving behind an empire crippled by debts of over £2bn and the company pension funds plundered. His sons, Kevin and Ian, were left to publicly pick up the pieces following their father’s untimely death, but he is also survived by another seven Maxwell nippers. VERDICT: BULLISH
8. MARK OATEN
A few months ago, things were looking sweet for Oaten: Kennedy had resigned his post as leader, and the 41 year old MP for Winchester looked like a shoo-in for the job. Then along came those (rather unsavoury) rent boy revelations. The father of two was forced to resign as home affairs spokesman and was last heard of gibbering on about how his family was “most important” to him. VERDICT: DISTASTEFUL
9. WOODY ALLEN
It’s hard not to judge the film director over his love affair with – and subsequent marriage to – his ex-lover’s adopted daughter (who’s 35 years his junior), but the fact is he’s done nothing illegal. So we’ll ditch the sarky asides and merely report the facts: they have two children together and Woody has another three from a previous relationship with Mia Farrow (y’know – his step mother in law). Sorry, we couldn’t resist it. VERDICT: DODGY GROUND
10. CECIL PARKINSON
Although it’s now almost part of the job description that Cabinet Ministers should philander, Cecil Parkinson – now Baron Parkinson of Carnforth – created one hell of a brouhaha in 1983 when it emerged that he’d fathered a child with his mistress of 12 years, Sara Keays.Thatcher’s favourite politician lost his job, but stayed with his wife,Ann.They have two children. VERDICT: BROKEN
