The first 6 weeks: what I wish I’d known about parenting a newborn
Nothing quite prepares you for bringing a newborn home. Dad of three and You the Daddy author Giles Alexander shares the things he wishes someone had told him before he became a father.
The shocks just keep coming when you’re parenting a newborn
It’s not one big shock but hundreds of small ones stacked up when you’re parenting a newborn. Nobody warns you how much time you’ll spend watching them breathe, hovering over the Moses basket at 2.00am convinced the silence means something’s wrong – only for them to stir, burp and smile, proving you were worrying over nothing. Nor how much of that first six weeks is about looking after your partner, not the baby. Underneath it all, it’s hundreds of tiny decisions, back-to-back, all day – hungry, gassy, wet, or just tired. New parenthood is constant guesswork.
You can’t prepare for the sleeplessness
Nothing truly prepares you for the bleary-eyed exhaustion of those first weeks and months. It’s no coincidence sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture, because that’s exactly what parenting a newborn feels like at your lowest ebb. Sleep, or your lack of it, will take over every conversation, while you compete with your partner over who’s had less of it (she’ll always win). The lesson we all learn too late is to actually sleep when the baby sleeps. Surviving, not thriving, should be the only goal for a while.
The bond isn’t always instant
Our firstborn, Teddy, arrived a month early, and my wife was taken straight into surgery moments after he was born. Left alone with Teddy, the bond hit me instantly – one look and something just clicked. But it’s not that way for everyone, and there’s no shame if it isn’t for you. It’s arguably harder for dads: your partner’s had nine months of carrying and growing this person inside of them, while you’re only just meeting them for the first time. Don’t stress if it takes a few days or weeks to feel it.
Protect your relationship, too
However close-knit you are, new family life tests any relationship – it’s how you react and reconnect that matters. We went from a couple to a two-person care team overnight: my wife recovering from surgery, breastfeeding 24/7 and finding her feet as a new mum, while I held everything else together. What I initially underestimated was how much her rest and recovery needed protecting. If I could go back, I’d have taken more time off work – two weeks of parental leave is nowhere near enough.
Everyone feels out of their depth
The second you’re discharged from hospital and the front door closes behind you, most new parents feel overwhelmed. Up until then you’ve had midwives and people who know what they’re doing around you. Suddenly it’s just you, a baby with no instruction manual, and the realisation you’re responsible for keeping this tiny human alive. It happened again around week five, when sleep deprivation hit its worst – that’s when we said “enough is enough”, took charge, read everything we could on sleep training and became overnight experts on dream feeds, the “shush-pat,” and anything else that might get our baby to sleep through the night.
Get ready earlier than you think
Be ready at least a month before your due date, not on it. Contrary to popular belief, firstborns love to arrive early just to keep you on your toes, and scrambling to sort a car seat or a Moses basket while running on no sleep is the last thing you want to be doing. Stock the freezer while you’ve still got the energy to cook, say yes every time someone offers to help, and buy more nappies than feels remotely sane. You’ll get through them faster than you think.
Don’t ignore your own mental health when parenting a newborn
Most of us were raised on “boys don’t cry,” “don’t be a girl,” “man up” – so admitting you’re not coping can feel like breaking some unwritten rule of masculinity. The stats are sobering: new dads are far more likely to experience depression and anxiety than the general population. I’ve been burnt out myself, trying to do it all and never drop the ball, and it simply isn’t sustainable long term. Saying it out loud, to anyone, is honestly the biggest first step.
You don’t need to be perfect, just present
Read as much as you can about parenting a newborn before your little one arrives – most of us solely prepare for the labour and delivery, but never crack open the chapters on what to expect once the baby’s home (Googling answers at 3am with a screaming newborn in your arms is no fun at all). You don’t need to be perfect, just present. Look after your partner as much as your baby, accept help whenever it’s offered, and trust that this chaotic stretch is something you’ll look back on – in years to come – as one of the most special times of your life.
ABOUT GILES
Giles Alexander is the author of You the Daddy: The Hands-On Dad’s Guide to Pregnancy, Birth and the Early Years of Fatherhood, a practical guide for new and expectant dads. A father of three, he writes about everything from pregnancy and birth to relationships, mental health and the realities of raising young children.
Instagram: @youthedaddy
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